The end of a relationship can be a difficult time for most people.  It certainly was for me.  Coupled with losing my health, my home, my money, and then deciding to represent myself in court when my husband and I decided to divorce; well, it was trying,  stressful and very traumatic.   I speak at length about this in my just-published book, First Kill All the Lawyers:  In Pro Per (Balboa Press, March 2014).

Not only was there an amorphous grief with which to deal at the end of my marriage, but I felt, oddly enough, a strange sense of isolation and shame.  Unlike death, which does not represent the end of love; my divorce left me feeling that all love had ended.  There was no real closure, nor was there a body over which to grieve.  I felt oddly displaced, weird, and misunderstood. I felt very alone.

I used this as an opportunity to cultivate spiritual practice.  Not only was I empowering myself by learning how to be my own lawyer and doing my own divorce – writing my own pleadings in court, filing papers, serving my spouse and his attorney of record – I found I could organize myself with three essential self-care practices each day.  These practices were not time-consuming and worked hand in hand to salve and cushion the difficult mental work I performed daily.  Acting as my own attorney in what would become a lengthy do-it-yourself divorce (“in pro per”), I trudged through difficult legal forms both in response to what was being served to me by my ex, an attorney who had been a partner in one of the world’s largest law firms, as well as instigating my own legal actions in order to represent my case as best I could.

And  not only did I appear in court weekly and sometimes daily, I rebuilt my flagging business, took care of a sick child, cared for my own serious illnesses, taught workshops and study groups, cared for three dogs and two cats, and  as I did so I began to thrive again both professionally and personally.

    So how did I do it?

1. MEDITATION, MEDITATION, MEDITATION!

We often think meditation is some esoteric and impossible practice for you, but not for me.  Well, I am here to tell you that it is impossible not to meditate.  In fact, you are pretty much meditating all the time if you simply sit still and breathe.  Sometimes, if you just sit down, close your eyes, and stay put for 60 seconds, you have done more to rest your nervous system and recharge your systems – all of them, brain, blood and bones – than if you sat in lotus posture for 30 minutes!

But what if you did sit for 30 minutes?  You can do that after awhile once you begin with the following:  sit for ten minutes.  Just sit.  Get an egg timer, and sit.  Sit comfortably, with your feet flat on the floor, and keep your back very erect.  In fact, follow instructions given in the meditation video on You Tube by Gopita Katharine Manning.  Just follow these instructions to the letter and you will be fine.  These instructions teach you how to follow your breath in sequence, how long to do the sequence, and if you do this, daily, for ten minutes, I promise you will develop the habit and will eventually work your way up to 30 minutes per day.  But even ten minutes, done at the same time daily, changes your life.  Get into the rhythm.  Do it now.  If you wait, you wait forever.

2.  READ SPIRITUAL LITERATURE

This needs no explanation.  Carry inspirational books with you.  Mark pages.  Read at least twice daily and make sure you have some pages or books with you, in your purse, to refer to when the going gets tough.  This will always make a much bigger difference than you think.  I used reference books from A Course in Miracles and books by Byron Katie.

3.  JOURNAL

There is a direct link between meditation and emotional balance.  Keeping a notebook on your meditation mat is an essential tool, and then keeping another smaller notebook with you, along with the spiritual book(s) you carry, will prove invaluable.  I found that I would have what I called “wet” and “dry” times.  The wet times were time of great grace – spiritual grace, when I knew I was being carried.  I would notice synchronistic things – and feel the peace and presence of a higher power quite palpably.  These were also days my mediation went quite well.  Then there were the days I called “dry”, days when I could not even tie my shoes without tripping on the laces later.  These days I sat for my meditation and did nothing but make grocery lists in my head.  So, I would go back and look at my journal for the “wet” days, and remember.

Keep a journal.  You will not regret it.  Just do it.

–Next time…..Three more essential practices, and 2 types of “Compassion Meditations” to use on the spot when things are stressful….